Reaching for Rainbows
- JODI VIEN MARIANO
- Jan 14, 2022
- 7 min read
Updated: Jan 24, 2022
Red
He guided my hand over a gentle heat. It stung, yet I hovered still.
“What is it?” I asked, my brows furrowing.
“Fire,” he replied, pulling my hand away from the flame. “Red is as daring as fire - hot, powerful, and strong.”
He placed my hand on his hard, warm chest. I could feel his buttons and his heart racing rapidly through the cotton cloth.
“Your heart’s too fast,” I giggled. I heard a small chuckle. It was dark, yet I still looked up with hopes I could see him smile.
Nothing changed.
I felt him going closer, cocooning me in his embrace. “I think I see… red…”
“Huh?”
His face seems to be tilting, looking at me.
“Red… like heat.”
“Are you saying I’m hot?”
My lips arched into a smile. Seriously, this guy…
“Seeing red means angry, you know,” he whispered.
“Oh… I’m so sorry-”
“It’s okay… it’s okay…”
Orange
He held my hand as we walked on cobblestoned streets, welcomed by the warm heat of the sun. He insisted that I wear his shoes so it wouldn’t blister like last time, but I insisted back I rather feel the ground with my feet bare. I could feel his hand tightening a bit before he offered to carry me on his back, lest I fall, but I insisted I didn’t want to and ended up running in God knows whatever direction I’m going.
His voice became more distant…
Until I couldn’t hear them anymore.
I was shaking so hard.
I kept turning and looking around, but it was still the same.
Why can’t I see? Why can’t I see? Why can’t I see? Why can’t I see?
I felt a pair of arms pulling me from behind, a deafening sound passed by. I squirmed around, trying to free myself from the hold.
“Let go of me, you-”
“Ileana!” A familiar voice called out from behind. “It’s just me.” He held my hands and ran them through his curly hair, his cheeks, and his long eyelashes.
“Kai?”
“Yes, it's me… Don’t run aimlessly like that! You could have been pancake with that train that passed by!” He raised his voice with his hands on my shoulders; I looked down.
“Yea… okay I’m sorr-” Tears flowed from my eyes, as I dropped down, still shaking.
“No…” I felt him embrace me. “Please don’t cry… I don’t want to see you cry… You make me cry too.”
I grinned and hugged him back. “You cry too easily.” I looked up, yet I continued to be frustrated as I met eye to eye with darkness once more.
Yellow
“Why did you choose me?”
“... What do you mean?”
“Why do you choose to spend your time with me, caring for me, when I’m a liability?”
The bench creaked. “You aren’t a liability.”
“I am,” I said rather confidently.
“But you aren’t,” he pressed. “It doesn’t mean that when you are blind, you are automatically a liability.”
“But I am! I always have to depend on someone for help. I can’t eat, walk, or do things on my own because I can’t see-”
“So let me be your eyes! Let me help you eat, walk, or do things because I care for you!”
He paused a bit. I feel like he wants to say more, but he couldn’t say it.
I felt for his hands, which he gave willingly. “I… just don’t want you to be trapped-”
“I’m not trapped.” I heard him smack his lips. “I am giving myself to you willingly… because you somehow remind me of myself.”
Green
“I was kicked out of my family for not being… perfect. My parents wanted me to be excellent in everything, but I couldn’t cope up. One day, I got a failing score. I knew my parents would scold me more than whips and knifes, so I buried them under a tree in the park when I went home from school. However, my parents asked my teacher for the results when they couldn’t find it in my bag, so I ended up outside. They told me not to return if I was going to continue being the ‘imperfect child and a liar’ that I was. I couldn’t talk back to them because I know they just wanted the best for me, but it’s just… not enough… I thought I had the worst life. I didn’t have anyone to help me, nor anyone to cry on… until I met you.”
“Is this a movie?” I joked, smiling.
“Almost.” I heard his HA-HA-HA enunciated laughter that made me almost want to laugh too. “But I’m not saying that you have the worst life, you know,” he continued. “It was just the thought, I saw you sitting down, trying to look at the flower that you honestly couldn’t see-”
“Oh my please- AHAHHAHAH,” I felt his fairly calloused hands rub my face as my cheeks started to burn.
“And you were insisting that the flower was green when it was actually violet-”
“Nooooooooo!!”
I feel his hands camply ushering my hands down that were unconsciously covering my ears. “I just… don’t want you to feel alone. You are amazing and kind and wholehearted and everything good, so please-” I felt a press of something damp and warm on my hand. “Let me be your eyes…”
Blue
The wind gushed by, sending my hair afloat. I feel his fingers tuck a bit of my hair behind my ear.
He sighed. “If only you could see the sky, you would be in awe with the sight.”
I leaned an elbow towards the voice. “Well… I could see it if you draw it.” I extended my hand.
“Well…” He gestured two triangles stacked on each other. “That’s the trees.” Then, he repeatedly poked at my hand and a small slash from the right, downwards to the left. “Those are the stars.” In the middle of my palm, he drew a small circle. “Then that’s the moon.”
I smiled. “Wow…” I looked up and tried to imagine his drawings on my palm to the darkness beyond me. It was… breathtaking. I wish I could see all of these…
“The moon is beautiful… isn’t it?” I asked.
“Yes, I wish I could watch it with you. I would die happy…”
Violet
I didn’t hear him wake up today. The grass kept swaying, but I didn’t hear his soft footsteps nor his body rise from the ground we normally sleep on. My heart ached, hoping that he didn’t leave me like how my mother did, once she found out I couldn’t restore my sight for good. I laid down again, closing my eyes that made no difference anymore.
Come back…
It was shockingly bright. I wanted to close my eyes like it was a dream…
Wait. Light?
My eyes focused on the walls unfolding in front of me.
“Ileana?” A manly unfamiliar voice asked as a figure went into view.
I furrowed my brows. “You… aren’t Kai. That’s not his voice. Who are you? How did you know my name?”
The man sat down in front of me. “Yes, I’m not… Kai. I’m actually his uncle.” He forced a smile. “He just came to my house in the middle of the night and… never mind that. How’s your eyes?”
My-?
I stood up and wobbled towards the object the reflects what it is shown. Kai said it was a…
Mirror!
I stared. I saw two moving, functional eyes, my eyelashes blinking, my thick hair that flowed like the darkness I used to live in, some clothes I have no idea what color they are-
“How…?” I whispered.
Kai’s uncle approached me from behind. “Someone… wanted to give you those…” He extended a letter sealed with a violet flower. “And this.”
He stepped towards a door. “By the way, in case you are interested to know what happened to your eyes, you had a clot in your retinal artery and some optical nerves were damaged that you must have had when you were still younger before you lost your vision for good because it wasn’t managed on time…” He turned the knob before leaving me alone with the things he gave me.
Hey Ileana! Greeted the letter. Remember the flower? See, I told you it's violet! AHHAHAHA And funny enough, its name is also violet. Search it up if you don’t believe me hehe.
Also, the first time I was thrown out of the house, I was really, really scared. I was eight and I never left the house except when it was school, so I ended up crossing the street. I don’t remember what happened but I remembered you pushing me to the side, getting hit by the train. I think its the same train that we met the other day… that nasty train. Anyway, you kept insisting you weren’t hurt but you get headaches every now and then, and you kept asking me if I was okay. In those moments, I felt that you were just so willing to help me even if it meant your life- that’s something I never experienced with my family…
I met you again, yes on the violet flower - but you couldn’t see anymore. I knew it was my fault even before I asked my uncle (the one who treated you). It was my fault why your mom left you and why you lost your sight, but you were still kind to me…
Ileana, thank you so much for being the light in my life even when it seems so dark in yours. I hope I gave you some light too when I’m with you. You are as brave and strong as a flame, loving like an embrace, and more beautiful then the moon can ever be. No one in the world can match your heart, so remember, I love you for who you are, whether you can or cannot see or for any imperfections you think you might be. You are the most perfect imperfection I have ever seen in my life. You are worth dying for…
I glimpsed a shadow behind a series of hung cloth at the edge of the room. I walked slowly towards it, sliding them to the side before I fell to my knees, shaking.
… and don’t worry, I will die happy once I give you what you earnestly wish for. Don’t miss me, for I am always with you. Don’t cry, because I’ll be crying with you. Try to smile, Ileana, and maybe through the water, reflections, and wind, you can see me on the other side. I love you, Ileana. Always and forever.
With all love for you,
Kai
P.S. Take care of my eyes!! <3
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